Its my money Dude!!

Ruling Party asks 'What is Queen's Necklace'? So, my chosen leaders send a letter to Mumbai Heritage Conservation Committee demanding , what was the status, what was the earlier name? When changed? Blah, blah,, blah...? My chosen leaders, will, predictably, raise these important questions in the next session. My chosen leaders will, disgustingly, seek to change its name.

So my chosen leaders would have spent hours on the aforesaid exercise, which translates into a few hundred crores of rupees. The earlier lot did that too, and many more names were changed. I removed them! Thats not why i chose you.

It is my money dude! Thats not how i want it spent!!!! I'd rather you give me parking lots around the area.


Ruling Party wants to build a Shivaji memorial in the Arabian sea. I don't want a memorial. Did you take the permission of the majority who voted for you before deciding this? (I am not even referring to those who did not vote for you).

I'd rather you provide police chowkies along the coast. You still wanna do it, pls do. Use your personal funds. Dont waste my money!


Roads and footpaths all over the city are dug! Those which were repaired last month, are dug up again!! Why?? If there was work that needed to be done, why were they not completed before the upper surface were finally set?? They used paver blocks, you want to use concrete blocks!! Same shit!!

For the last time, its my money, spend it wisely. Spend it for me, on me.
If not, i removed them, ill remove you! Mind it!!!

Literate v/s Educated

For those who have not followed my blogs earlier or have missed my writing for so long, lemme pick up the thread from two years ago and get on from there. I used to hail an auto to Andheri station and back from there, home, every working day.  Invariably, 3 days out of five, i would end up in a fight with the auto-wala and land up at the cop station. A lot of writing skills were in their honour... Sigh!!

Then, this year flagged the much awaited Metro services. No sooner did I breathe a sigh of relief, that I began to crib and cry again. Was pushed / pulled/ yanked / slowed down etc... etc... etc.... So that's the story thus far.

Now, where was I? Hmm... the difference between being a literate and educated.

Well, so the train station at andheri is connected via a foot over bridge (FOB) to the metro station at andheri. Very thoughtfully, a railing has been fixed in the middle and runs along the length of the FOB dividing it into two paths. If any of you wonders why, then this blog is aimed directly at you. Consider yourself punched in the groin!!
It takes me about a minute and a half to walk that FOB. Every morning i see atleast a dozen or more people are walking on the wrong side of the FOB. Yeah, now you get the reason why!!! They will all be well turned out. So clearly working or going to college. So i am safely assuming, literate. I sometimes request them to walk in the correct direction. Sometimes sarcasm is my modus. Other times when i am pms'ing, I yell at them!!

The excuses have been two fold -
1) I am getting late!!!
 So, F****r, next time drive on the wrong side and get killed!!!

2) Where is it written, that I have to walk on this side or that?????
Ah!!!! You are the qualifying specie.... literate, not educated!

i love you and hate you...

Bombay, where lives are made,
honest efforts are valued
hard work and perseverance pays,
where nobody sleeps hungry.

Bombay, it gave me my identity,
and a sense of self confidence,
liberated me financially,
and taught me to stand tall.

Bombay, the city of dreams,
where glamour and money reigns supreme,
make up and clothes maketh one,
where masks are worn and changed.

Bombay, it snatched my innocence,
stole the trust and faith i reposed,
grabbed my laughter,
and buried my smiles ...

Bombay, i love and hate you,
I have faith, yet fear you,
I have gained a lot and lost some more,
Hope u give me without taking away...

Bombai yedi hai kya???

We cant get rid of the pot holes!!!

Finally, BMC admits that they have no clue how to sort out this issue. I ain't appreciating their incompetence, I am only resounding their for once honesty. No sooner did i give them the credit, that i hear of this new ingenious solution they come up with to help us!! What would we do without these blessed angels.

Since they are incapable of finding a solution to the pock-marked roads of the city, the mayor has announced a project whereby, they will install in all cellular phones an application. This app will indicate the exact loaction, depth and width of a pothole in 10 metres of the stretch of road ahead from where the cell is held!!!!

U read it correctly! So the plan is, that every ten metres, i can look into my cell and check for the next pothole and avoid it. Supah!!

Question: I am not allowed to talk or text while driving, so how do i look into the cell for the app?
Answer: You can stop and check.

Q: How do i do it, where one second stall and i get to hear - BC, MC, lady fu*** driver!!?
A: Pull over to the extreme left lane and then check.

Q: Every 10 mins i will go from right to left and jostle for space between buses and autos / cabs?
A: You are over exaggerating! It is a very viable idea.

Q: What is the expense?
A: Only 60 Crores. (which u and i will pay for!)

My verdict: Saala humko ch**** samjha hai kya???!!!
Whats yours????

Blasts dont scare people.

There is yet another piece of news - bomb blast in Delhi. Yes that is what bomb blasts have become. A piece of news.

I wonder what could probably be the intention of the people behind these blasts. To instill fear i suppose? If that be the purpose, then don't blasts at regular intervals back fire at the mischief makers? What am i saying....?

Lemme explain...

The first time that blasts happened (since i understood what blasts were), ie in 1993, i distinctly remember fear etched boldly in our minds. Mothers did not permit their children to go to school, wives beseeched thier husband to stay back home. Husbands didnt themselves want to step outside the protective cocoon of home. Offices were closed, shops were shut, schools were closed.

Over the years, blasts happened, people died, got injured, political drama unfolded..... the same saga.

Cut to June 2011 bomb blasts in Mumbai at Dadar, zaveri bazar etc... we were watching the television sets, we did check the internet, but we didn't leave from offices. The next day students went to school, we went back to work, life was normal except for those whose kith or kin were victims of the blast.

The fear is gone. It is replaced by sorrow,  a sense of helplessness, anger even, but most certainly not fear!! Have we become a society numb and incapable of emotional reaction? Will someone explain to these people that constant bombing is not helping them or me. May be they see reason? May be they realize the fool hardiness of these constant madness? Just may be......

Bombay, the step child???

Bombay is supposedly the financial and entertainment capital of our country.

I say supposedly financial capital because, today the business growth in places like Gujarat and Bihar is faster than that of Bombay. In fact Bombay has lost a lot of sources of income, textile, sugar, salt etc....  No new industries have come up in Bombay in the last decade gone by.

Entertainment is still Bombay's domain. But that is only so far as Bollywood is concerned. That is too narrow an interpretation of entertainment. Live concerts do not happen in Bombay because taxes kill the organizers. The heritage concerts like Banganga festival or the Bandra fort festival don't hold the same charm anymore. Venues which used to be the perfect ambiance for the concerts till a decade ago have meta-morphed into dumping heaps or cattle washing areas.

As if that was not enough, pubs, discs, and all other entertainment joints shut down at 1.30am. Even a public place like Chowpatty beach or marine drive have cops swarming every 15 mins after 1.30am. A quiet walk by the water body, to clear one's mind has become a luxury which i cant afford.

While this is true of Bombay, how come the taxes for live performances are 3 times lower in places like Bangalore? How is it that permissions are procured on a one window basis there and not here? How do the delhiites manage to have their joints kept open till the wee hours of the morning?? Why the step-child attitude to Bombay, when the citizens are the highest tax payers of the country??? Why....

ENUF IS ENUF: Is Ganpati the sacrificial goat up for slaughter after being fed?

ENUF IS ENUF: Is Ganpati the sacrificial goat up for slaughter after being fed?